this is my confession~

this is my confession, a confession that being my spirit to keep living
a confession that i kept inside me for almost 2 years
a confession that to awuful to retell
well, it hurts to inside when you kept it inside and never told it to someone
i wish it still could be a secret

it all started 2 years ago, in the beginning of second year of junior high school
one day, i was having a lunch with my family when i saw him
a boy with his portable game
when i saw him, i recognize him, but i didn't know his name
i also forgot where i ever seen his face
but i never think about it

another week pass by, and i met him again in an exhibition
he was with that protable game again
and i wish i could know him better

another week pass by, another month walks by
well, i just known him as my classmate
and also my bestfriend
we had a chitchat together, a walk to remember
a movies to saw
and a test to walk togheter
and it never been that fun

well, this is the exciting part of my confesion
it was in the begining of the third year of junior high school, the last year
many people said, that the last must be the fun part, the exciting part, the happiest part
well, the disaster and also the begining of that fun part just began in that year

i confess to myself, but i can't find what to confess
then suddenly i felt something diffrent, something crazy, something mad, inside my heart
i don't know what it is until i discovered it
it was the feeling of LOVE

what was the meaning of love?
is it just a symbol of ♥?
or it's anything else?
i can't find it

there's one thing that i can regconize
i can't live without him
evethought i have ever been with another person
that person is less that a scum

now, a song that ever been heard never been hurt again
the words that ever hurt never hurts again
i've found you, and i won't let you go
i won't leave you whatever it takes

sometimes i feel hurt
when another comes to you
but you always can get rid of them

many people said that, "the higher you climb, more greater the wind"
well, that kind of quotes is reflecting what i'm feeling right now
yes, i'm jealous and i'm mad
also i'm crazy of waiting your promises
i'm so awful, that i can't get rid of myself
i can be a good hearer, but i can't be a good storyteller
i'd rather to keep all my problems for myself and find an answer to it

i very appriciete the helps of gc members, but sorry to gc members, i can't tell a story of myself
until i got my own story like all of you

happenings 17.05.10

what will this world be, if there's some people couldn't understand each other?
what will this world be, if there's no love in this world?
what will you do?

does God do exsist, if He putting obstacles like this?

does angels do exsis, if they didn't help anything to get out from this obstacles?
does demons already lost, if they still spreading troubles like this?
does human do exsist?

happenings 17.05.10, really a big thanks to my double agent, eventhough I rarely believe him LOL

thanks to someone giving me strength

thanks to someone that could be my sandsack when I get mad

thanks for everything LOL

it all started with a photo, a crazy photo

well, I can predict that she would do the same as I did, but I can't make sure about it

luckily, I had a double agent guy, who can be trusted, even just a little ray

he started to investigate, and guess what news he brought!

he's telling me that she done the same to that photo; save it to somewhere

you can guess what I do right?

of course I getting so mad, what would you do, if you are me?

well, i gotta tell a thing

that mud, that scum, isn't a human

she's a poo, a fly collecting food from junk yard

she mustn't exsist, if her exsistance is just to make people mad and fight each other

who said you're pretty? your mum?
well, every mum's gotta said that if they got a daughter

someone's mum didn't said it to you, did you?

someone's son didn't said it to you, by the order of their mom, did you?
someone you aren't know really didn't said it to you, did you?

don't act like you're important to him, you aren't anything for him

he didn't ask you to go out, in order to celebrate his birthday

he didn't wait for you if you can't go with him

he didn't borrows you anything he have without asking

what are you gonna do?
I've already won the competition before it started

I've got my total winning, you're lost already

give it up, you can't win against me, how hard you try

because I've never giving whats mine to others

perceived it well, bitch!!

-17.05.10-

Lovely end of junior high school ♥

it lovely and amzing feeling right inside me

when the phone ringing and that was my teacher

she said, "well, you passed this test with good resault"

i just wanna scream right after that and cry, at the same moment

well, this is a big jump, a big obstacle to defeat

and now we're won it

and we'll walk together again, facing the next thing that will obstacle us

and it won't let us down

because we have each other

we support each other

if one must fall, so everyone must fall

if one rise, then everyone shall rise

this is man eat man world, the unfair thing that we should face

but there''s a big reward after that

the big reward that we shan't loose

it's "FRIENDSHIP"

and it's leading us foward, facing this unfair world

♥07.05.10♥

--i ♥ my friends--

The Poison

You were so young, and I guess im old.
Open your eyes,I'll keep mine closed.
I prefer standing, and you take your seat.
Ill be lie awake, and you'll fall asleep.

And you'll fall down a hole.
That's the one place we both know
You take me with you if you could, but I wouldn't go
I guess that sometimes we both loose our minds, to find a better road.

I can be pensive, you can be so sure.
You'll be the poison, I'll be the cure.
I'm alone on the journey, I'm alive nonetheless,
And when you do your very worst,
Mmmmm it feels the best.

And you'll fall down a hole.
That's the one place we both know.
You take me with you if you could, but I wouldn't go.
I guess that sometimes we both loose our minds, and find a better road.

And you'll fall down a hole.
That's the one place in this world that we both know.
You take me with you if you could,
If you could honours everything.

Can't you see the faces melting as the sun raise from their eyes,
Go on and keep your head with the hearts that you left behind.
Look at yourself, look in the mirror, don't you see a lie?
That you tell yourself again a thousand times.
And the truth that makes us laugh will make you cry,
You wanna die? No?

So you fall down a hole,
Thats the one place where we both know,
You take me with you if you could but I wouldn't go.
Because sometimes, we both loose our minds to find a better road.

another time not to forgive~

another hour, another day

another week, another month

another year, another century

another universe to miss

another chance to meet

another chance to say goodbye

another time to live

another time to laugh

another time to smile

another time to angry

another time to cry

another time to be

another time to forgive

and another time not to forgive

all these things are making me mad

all these things are making me crazy

is there anything else you can do execpt making this chaos?

what do you think about the chaos that you make?

this chaos making me crazy

making me mad

making me sad

they're spreading a kind of parfume

a kind of parfume that makes me don't know when i must smile

when i must laugh

when i must mad

when i must cry

these things making me crazy

and now, you came again and saing words that you never say before

words that come too late

the words, "i'm sorry" haven't got a meaning for me

the words that never enough for curing my wounds

the words that never stop my sadness

the words that never stole me from madness

and you coming with innocent faces and said that words

say, if your words are enough, i'll forgive you

but, in the real situation, your words and your action are the opposite

then, i'll never forgive you, whatever it takes

because i cen't forgive what you've done to me

to the others

i can't accept your apologies

then, make this incident as a lesson

that not everyone can just forgive

die bitch, die~

well, here's another moron who makes some fuss with me

a moron who pretend she's prettier than me

a moron whose body far from model's body

a moron that can't read situations

a moron who act like a bitch in my eyes

a moron whose brain aren't bigger that t-rex's brain

far away from einstein's brain

i alredy got the RSVP

but you cut the queue

you just like a fly collecting foods from junkyard

far away from kingdom community

what will you do against me?

i've got many followers, you haven't got one

what will you do?

i've got the RSVP card, what do you have?

nothing you have

what will you do against me?

you gonna kill me?

it's impossible, all my buttlers are against you

all my servants, my maid and my horseman are against you

my knight, my earl and my king are against you too

what do you have?

nothing you have

just cheap and stupid horses with you

i've got the whole kingdom with me, the whole world

what will you do to defeat me?

you aren't a kingdom relatives

you aren't a kingdom servants

you aren't a people to a country

what i can do now just one

sentence you to death because your criminal records

i just wanna say, "OFF WITH HER HEAD" on your death day

bye-bye, BITCH!

私はずっとあなたのこと嫌い

first of all, i wanna thank God, because of His grace, i still survive till now ^^~ thank you God!

i'm just a human, have some fault and make some mistakes
i'm just a human, could like someone and hate someone
i'm just a human, whose mind would change if someone make them hurt
i'm just a human, not a God, nor angel, nor evil

my mind changed, if someone make something bad on me
they'll never changed again, because it's too hurt to walk through it
thanks to God, He helped me through all the problems, help me survive till now

don't dare to make me mad to you, if you didn't want to be hated
don't dare to make my mind changed, if you didn't want to be hurted
just be an ordinary human, make mistakes but admit it
make someone hurt but heal it
make someone cry but cheer them up
make someone die and dare to take the consecuenses


for everybody that admit that they made my mind changed, i forgive you all
for those who wouldn't

私はずっとあなたのこと嫌い!!!

♥

I found you here, now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?
I'll do anything for a smile, holding you till our time is done
We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you.. ♥

nervous breakdown

tell me why, you never gonna take the ride
don't know why, you never stay in sight
just wanna know what the hell is going on

what can I do to make you feel right?
what kinda fool if I make your cry?
give me a break, you'd better change your stupid ways
before I go away

time is right, I'm gonna get you playing high
it's alright, I'm gonna get you shining bright
really wanna know what the hell you're feelin now

I just wanna hold you tight,
I just wanna feel your sigh,
wanna be with you tonight,
so baby, don't let me down
I just wanna treat you right,
I just wanna see your eyes,
wanna kiss you through the night,
I know how to satisfy,
I know you want me tonight,
never show me what's inside,
you cause my nervous breakdown

you drive me crazy,
soon I will make you down

huff~

at last, I told him
wow, it feels like unchained the problems away
huf~~
hope it lasts forever, and not hurt me anymore
i sick of being hurt

aishiteru ~♥~

for you, who crushed my heart

what makes you so in hurry?
life is long enough to search the whole world and find your true soulmate
are you satisfied with your attitude, crushing every woman's heart?
are you proud with your record being the boyfriend of many girls?
are you proud with your status, a single man with 100 ex-girlfriends?
are you proud with all our attitude, all pains that you caused?
as you can see, many people are waiting for their love for a long time
they not harphazardly choose a girl to be their soulmate
not like you, make fun with girls
I hope someday, you'll have the karma
let's see....

my very ancient life

for me, every persons life like an ancient statue
they're fragile, unstable, and also flameable
they're fragile because they'll broken if something or someone dropped them down
they're unstable because they're standing on moving soil, it always moves and moves
they're flameable because when they stand near the fire, the fire will reach them and burn them

my life is ancient
no one has a life like me
like there's just one statue from each dig site
everything will die, like an ancient statue faded out from century because they're burned inside the soil

from now on, let's think that our life is ancient, it happened only once and once only,
so don't dare to end your life because of simple things
keep on living till God calls our name

Laurel Garden

When the glow turns to dark, just let the silhouettes give you a sign

Lead your heart into my Laurel garden

And if you're alone in the dark, don't let the sinister touches your mind

Feel the light is in you

Come to me, grab this hand, join me in silent, and you'll be safe

In the night side of Vatican, telling you a story of epic legend

I'll guide your heart into my Laurel garden

Take my hand, join me in silent, and you'll be safe

Perfect

I've tried to be so perfect, I've tried

Find the ending of my life, against you

Watch your moves, shades of your shadows

'Till I find the ending of my story

You've said, "Stop pretending to be perfect,

Go find your own life, without me"

But I couldn't, don't keep a distance from me

'Till I get my own story like yours

cloud's phylosophy

hmm,,
after taking a long time,,
thinking about clouds and my life,,
I think my life is the same thing as the Cloud

Clouds,,
it always be on the sky
wherever it's on the bad mood
either the good mood

It always moving,,
to somewhere where the wind blows to

It always be above of us,,
be beside us when we sad or happy

but,,

when a tornado, a great hailstorm and a big flood comes,,
the people always blame the clouds
blame the rain
blame the wind
and blame the hail
that the Cloud brings

on the other hand,,
the people always waiting for Clouds
when they comes to the dry seasons
waiting for the rain
and the Clouds
to protect them
from heat and sunshine


hmm,,
my life is as slightly same as the Cloud

They always blame me,,
when they comes to a disaster
but it isn't my fold


They always left me
but I'll wait for them

They always miss me
when I'm gone for too long

but,,
They'll ignore me
when I be beside them

They'll left me
when i found something new

They always wait for me
to cover all the mistakes that They made




so,,
why I'm still here?
why I still alive?

I want to be free
as the Clouds fly thorughout the sky

I want to be beside Them
as the Clouds be beside the sky

but,,
why I'm still here?
WHY???

the end

at the end
all will end alike
always same,
and never changed

at the end
i'll be the leftover
i'll be the junk
i'll be the shit

at the end
nothing would care for me
nothing would laugh for me
nothing would cry for me

at the end
i'll be alone
in the 2x2 soil
with all skulls beside me

at the end
i'll gonna be the forgotten
so why
im still standing here?

if you ask why
its because the love
the love that grew
and keeps immortal in my heart

thanks for you
for understanding me
for your love
and for your tears

once again, thanks
but i'll gonna end this journey
in a way
that you've never imagined before

thanks for everything
but at the end
it always ended the same
thanks, once again

Heart

you know,
deep in my heart
in the deepest heart level
i'm crying
crying so loud, making a flood of tears
flood of blood
and flood of sadnnes
but that's deep in my heart
the truth is
on surface, maybe many peoples think that i'm strong
i'm tough
i'm rigdig
i'm not crying
i'm not screaming
i'm not begging
i just standing here
waiting, and waiting
humans, born to the world alone
then they die alone
but in their lives, they need someone to help them
to show them
where the right way of life
to light their way
to cheer their live
to shine their faces
to clean their veins
from their sins
from their mistakes
i born as human
born alone, and die alone
but, same as the other human
i need someone
i need love
i need light
i need map
and everything that lead me through the stormy live
through the dessret of trials
through the sea of sins
i need you
and i realize
how hard i fought,
how though my defence
i always need you
but now,,
i haven't met you yet

Life

Sometimes good and evil are equally sweet, and they play together in a game called LIFE
If you take a life, do you know what you'll give? Odds are, you won't like what it is
If you come inside, things will not be the same when you return to the night
And if you think you've won, you never saw me change the game that we all been playing
But, if you must pretend, you'll meet your end
Arm yourself because no one else here will save you. The odds will betray you and I will replace you
You can't deny the prize, it may never fulfill you. It longs to kill you. Are you willing to die?
Life is gone with just a spin of the wheel
The coldest blood ruins through my veins. You know my name